You’re A Real Arkie, If…..

(Originally run 4/24/04 on our old site)

Ernie Simpson

An article appears in the Arkansas Times each year that does a survey of Arkansans about their favorite definitions of being an Arkie. An Arkie is short for anyone who is a native Arkansan, who is proud of the fact, and is defensive of the definition to a point. Sometimes the term is used in an unfavorable way, but is still very definitive of the life and culture of the natives. I personally am proud of my heritage, and have found many definitions funny and true. Below are some of my favorites, which for me have stories behind the scenes that define them.

You’re a Real Arkie if….

You automatically think of worn out tires as planters.
You’re sometimes slightly rubbed the wrong way when you hear the term, “Arkie,” and you aren’t really sure why.
You know any millionaires who chew or drive a pick-up.
You can look down on people who are better looking, better educated, and more prosperous than you because “… they aren’t REAL Arkies.”
Regardless of the importance of the work being done at the plant, you expect or do not find it unusual for it to come to a complete halt during deer season, including a day out of school on the first day of the season.
You know when to say “Woo, pig, sooie!” and when to say, “Here, sook, sook.” (The first is for pigs, the second is for cows).
All the school superintendents you know are either former coaches or insurance salesmen.
Your child’s school doesn’t assign homework on Wednesday nights.
Your new bathing suit is last year’s jeans.
You always seem to be repairing things that aren’t broken. (i.e., fixin’ to go, fixin’ to get up, fixin’ to cut the yard, fixin’ to start supper.)
A “bagle” is one of your favorite huntin’ dogs.
If you answer someone’s statement with, “o did gee?” and they respond with “u bet gee.”
You refer to all sodas as “Cokes”.
You’ve ever used “ya’ll” in the possessive form, (i.e., Ya’ll’s house.)
You have a backyard storm shelter, but it’s mostly filled with canned beans and jelly.
Your idea of a night out is dinner at McDonald’s and a trip to Wal-Mart.
It isn’t New Year’s Day without hog jowl and black-eyed peas, it isn’t the 4th of July without home grown watermelon, and it isn’t the first cold day of fall without turnips from the garden, with fresh baked cornbread.
As a child, you thought “yonder” was a real measurement of distance.
You actually know what a green persimmon is, and how it tastes.
You didn’t think indoor plumbing was created until 1958.
You’re all for progress, as long as nothing changes.
You know what “bleedin’ like a stuck hog” means.
You’re smarter than they think, but not as smart as you think.
You’ve ever gone barefoot from spring planting till fall harvest.
One of the green vegetables in your diet is “poke sallet.” (Sallet; a White County term for salad.)
Sometimes the kids “tump” over their chairs.
You know what “chiggers” are and how to kill them.
You would NEVER say “yams.”
As a child, you ever froze your bottom off sitting on a hand-crank ice cream freezer.
Your chigger bites ever formed a ring around your waist.
You’re not afraid to eat barbecue in a white shirt.
You can remember hanging out the socks and underwear on one end of the clothesline, while your Mama hung the big wash on the other.
Your Mama sent you to pick your own switch off a tree when you misbehaved.
You know that “Fedville” and Fayetteville is the same town.
You say “pitcher” for “picture” and “I’m fixin to go”.
You think fried catfish and hush puppies are a gourmet meal.
You call any plastic bag a Wal-Mart sack.
You know what hog jowl is.
You’ve had some of your most significant conversations about life sitting on the tailgate of a pickup truck.
In high school, you could identify an approaching car by its headlights, from five blocks away.
You call your elders “Mister” or “Miss,“ even when you reach your 50s.
It’s bad to have to eat tomatoes from the store.
If you’ve ever asked a friend or neighbor if you could “borrow their phone.”
You have ever been stung by a “wasper.”
You’ve ever been swimming with the family in a stock pond.
“Might could” is a regular part of your vocabulary.
You know what chitlins are.
“Cooked” means “fried” when it comes to fish, okra, and squash.
You have a deceased family pet buried in the back yard.
You think the shows at Branson are every bit as good as the shows in Vegas.
Your favorite home repair tool is duct tape.
Your favorite cruise line is the “White Ducks” in Hot Springs.
Your Tupperware collection consists of emptied Cool-Whip and margarine containers.
You’ve ever used a broom straw for a toothpick.
You plan a vacation and it’s to another Arkansas city.
The one time you went to the dentist is when you got dentures.
You buy new tires for the pickup and then put the old ones on the wife’s car.
You were 18 before you realized that tires were supposed to have tread.
The pickup is the family car.
You think people from St. Louis are Yankees. (Aren’t they?)
You know that a percolator test has nothing to do with a coffeemaker, and everything to do with a septic tank.
As a child, you slept on a Baptist pallet.
Your definition of ‘tar arn’ is a southern weapon, kept under the seat of the pickup.
You’ve ever had to take a bleach bath to get rid of Chiggers.
You think Velveeta is cheese.
Your favorite recipe calls for a can of cream of chicken soup.
You are aghast if someone refers to ‘far’ as a measure of distance, and tell him to call 911; on the other hand, “fur piece” IS a unit of measurement.

Tom Pry & Dan E. Randle

And here are a couple more:

You might be an Arkie if you regard being passed on the highway as a negative comment on the size of your penis.

You might be an Arkie if your idea of an extended vacation includes overnighting in Harrison on your way up to Branson.

What are YOUR favorite sayings/Arkie-isms?